Stopped trying to force deep talks with my kid and started just being around instead

I used to think I had to sit my 14 year old down and have these big serious conversations about feelings and life choices. Every time I did that he would just shut down, give me one word answers, and stare at his phone. Last month I started just hanging out in the garage while he tinkered with his bike. I'd sit on an old milk crate, hand him tools, talk total nonsense about whatever came to mind. No pressure, no big topics. After a few weeks he started telling me about his friend getting bullied at school and how he was scared to speak up about it. Totally caught me off guard. It was in the middle of me telling a terrible dad joke about a bicycle tire going flat. Has anyone else found that just being quiet and available gets way more out of your kids than planned talks?

2 comments

2 Comments

janac5115d ago

I read something recently about how teenagers actually process information better when they're doing something physical at the same time, like riding in a car or working with their hands. Something about the motion helping their brains open up. Just sitting there staring at each other across a table is basically an interrogation to them. My neighbor swears by taking his kid fishing and just letting there be long silences. The kid eventually starts talking about stuff he'd never bring up otherwise. Sounds like you accidentally stumbled onto the exact right approach.

kevin21815d ago

Saw my buddy's kid open up big time during a long car ride home.